Would your kids get into a van with a stranger?
Isn’t that a question to keep us all awake at night… Here are my age specific tips on how to keep your kids safe.
Less than three years of age
The rule should be that they stay within your line of vision – they can roam around the playground or within an indoor play centre, but you should always be able to see them.
Three to four years of age
Introduce the concept of tricky people: Lots of us probably grew up with the “stranger danger” concept … experts in the field now say that we should instead talk about “tricky people”. Why? If your child is in trouble, strangers may be people who can help them so we don’t want them fearing everyone.
So how do you help your child identify “tricky people”?
Tricky people are:
- Grown-ups who ask kids for help – emphasise to your kids that “safe grown-ups” will NEVER ask kids for help when they are in trouble – they will ask another grown-up. If a grown-up comes and asks for you to go and help them, that is a sign that they may be a “tricky” person.
- Grown-ups who ask kids to keep secrets or promise that we won’t tell our mum & dad things. Safe grown-ups don’t have anything to hide and so won’t ask us to do this.
- Grown-ups who ask kids to go somewhere with them on their own, like in their car or to their house. Safe grown-ups will never try and take us away from where we are playing to show us something.
- Grown-ups who make us feel unsure and maybe a bit funny in our tummies … talk to your kids about “thumbs up” or “thumbs down” people. Thumbs down people give us this feeling of uneasiness.
Don’t label their backpacks and hats or clothing on the outside: Knowing your child’s name could help a “tricky” person make your child feel as if they know them. For example, “Hi Susie, I’m a good friend of yours Mums…she asked me to come and show you…”
Help them identify safe places and people: Try and keep this simple, particularly for younger ones. Safe places could be shops and cafes, safe grown-ups are the people who work at shops, or other mums/dads/aunties (other people with kids).
Tell them to make noise and be difficult if they are uncomfortable: Make sure your kids know that if they are in a situation with a “tricky” person, they don’t need to be polite. They should make lots of noise and be difficult. They could yell out “who are you?” or start calling “mum”, “dad” as this will alert bystanders that the adult with them is not someone they know (as opposed to it being a small child having a tantrum with their parents which we may ignore!)
Introduce “The Never Never Rule”: Never accept lollies or treats, enter someone’s home, go for a walk, or get in a car with someone unless you have your parents or aunty’s permission FIRST.
For ages 5-10
All of the above plus
Create a family ‘code’ word: Establish a ‘code word’ with your children and tell them to always ask for the ‘code word’ if anyone other than mum/dad/aunty is collecting them.
Get them to remember your mobile number and home address: If they do go to a safe person, that person can then call you or return them to your home.
From when they have a mobile phone:
- Make sure they know how to call or message you, and the police;
- Introduce a secret code word that they could message to you if they are in trouble; and
- Link your phones so that you can always see their location using ‘find my iphone’ or ‘find my mobile’ on a Samsung phone (also helpful if they lose their phone!).
Reinforce these messages through ongoing dialogue and role plays with your kids. Role plays are a great way to help your kids practice what to say and for you to illustrate the concepts through different scenarios.
This isn’t about scaring our kids, or telling them there are bad people out there. It is about helping to empower them and arming them with a few tools to help keep them safe.
An edited version of this article was first published at Sassy Mama on 17 Jan 2018.